One more year

Ever since his last day of preschool, Curtis been asking when he gets to go back to school. Today the day finally came! He was so excited. I couldn't even get any good photos because he didn't want to sit or stand still. Every photo I took with my phone came out blurry. 

With big bro and big sis before they took off for their first day--also today.

Luckily for Curtis, he is at the same preschool, with the same main teacher, in the same classroom, and with most of the same kids. So the transition to pre-K, at least on this first day, was not huge. There were no tears. I didn't have to show him around. Or make any introductions. Everything was familiar and comfortable--for both of us. It was nice.

He picked out his shirt--"Kabooom!" I think he was ready to go, don't you?

When I picked him up, he was happy to see me. "Mommy!" he yelled and came running up to me, collapsing in to my arms. It feels so good to still be needed...my big kids don't do that anymore. He had tired eyes. I almost thought for a second that he was going to cry, but he didn't. I was worried that a busy day of fun and play and a new routine might result in a potty accident (or two) during the five hours of school, but that didn't happen, either. So proud of him. He really is my big boy. My little boy, always--but my big boy, too.

I've been thinking about this final year of preschool (pre-K as my big kids insist on calling it) a lot in the last few weeks. I'm trying not to stress about the fact that kindergarten is only a year away. ONE YEAR. Twelve months. It seems like a long time, but is it? Is it enough time? Will his social/fine motor/gross motor skills all be "just right" for him to be in the "regular" kinder class at his big brother and big sister's school? 

Sometimes it's hard to take notice of how much our kids have grown and changed in a year. Of course we can measure physical growth--pants get too short, shoes no longer fit, and belly buttons poke out of shirts...all things that let us know that they are getting bigger, taller. I remember seeing cool photos people posted on Facebook and Instagram last June that showed side-by-side images of kids on their first and last days of school.  Some of the physical changes in the kids were really extraordinary. How can 9-10 months change our little ones in so many ways? They lose their baby fat, they earn more freckles, their hair gets longer or they change it completely with a new cut. They are different. You can't go back--they are forever changed. Even seeing photos of other people's kids go through this transformation amazes me. It just goes so fast. That old saying that everyone warns you about. Oh, the truth.

But what about the other changes? All those things you can't see in those first and last day of school photographs: new social skills, maybe some physical challenges that were overcome, and how much they learned in school that year. When I start to worry about next year, I tell myself to think about Curtis and this past year of preschool--I feel like I have to keep reminding myself how much he grew and changed during that year. And I need to focus on the idea that similar changes and similar growth will likely occur this coming year. His "pre-K" year. This is not to say that I will become lazy or that I will stop paying attention to his progress. His therapy--speech and OT, at least--have been cut in half at school this year, based on how great he was doing last year. But what if he isn't doing quite so well this year? Something will have to change. I want to make sure he is doing as well as my other two kids by the time they were entering kindergarten! If I feel the need to push for more of anything, I will. If he needs more "work-at-home" help, I'm there.  

Anything. Whatever this boys needs to get him prepared for mainstream kindergarten, I'm there. Always.

And that is not to say I'm opposed to the other school options--kinder with the help of an aide, kinder at another elementary school within our public school district, placement in the special day classroom at our school, and, possibly, private education. I'm not opposed to any option! I've always said that whatever is best for my boy is what we will do. 

I won't lie--the thought of him going into kindergarten puts a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I can't describe. It's like nothing I've ever felt before. I don't know why. Am I worried that he won't succeed? That he won't make friends? He's already proven that he can do both. So I think that while I need to be cautious, diligent even, when it comes to his learning and "skills" during this year of pre-K...I also need to let him go about his business. I need to let him grow. 

He still has one more year.

KA-BOOOM!