Inspiration

Curtis has always been a timid little dude. He's always seemed to know his limitations. Which is something I've been grateful for. He's cautious. Maybe too cautious. But, again...I'm OK with that. Or, at least, I was OK with it.

He's getting older. He'll be 5 years old in less than two months! (Don't get me started...I have no idea how that happened so fast). And although I would still like for him to lean more towards being the "better safe than sorry" type, I also want him to try new things. I want him to push his limits a little. I want him to challenge himself. You have to understand--when I say this, I don't mean that I suddenly expect him to take HUGE risks. We're talking about a kid that just recently gathered up enough nerve to go down a slide. Baby steps.

Last week brought along something new for Curtis...swim lessons. No, it's not the first time he's been in the water. We are a water-loving family. And this kid is no exception. He loves water...

 Curtis in Grandma and Grandpa's pool--one year old

 on vacation--17 months old

 at the beach--21 months

playing in the Flathead River--2 years old

swimming at Grandma and Grandpa's again--age 3

vacation--4 1/2 years old

But swim lessons? This is new territory. Something different. I was unsure how he'd like them, to be honest. He doesn't mind having water poured over his head in the bath. He's OK with taking showers. But he isn't fond of going under water in the pool. I knew this would be a challenge for him. I also knew, from experience (my oldest went to this school when he was a baby), that this swim school would get his head under the water on the first day.

To my pleasant surprise, the first two lessons were fine! In fact, he loved day one. Loved it! He couldn't stop talking about it. Lesson two was good, as well.

Photographic evidence:

 Perfectly content--swim lesson #2
 

And then came lesson #3 just this past Monday. He cried almost the whole time. "I'm done, mom?" he asked repeatedly during the last 20 minutes of the 30 minute lesson. It broke my heart. I wanted to let him give up, I really did. I hate to see him scared and upset for any reason. I saw him tense up every time the instructor began to tilt him to the side to ease his face under the water. She is so gentle and so sweet, but as soon as he was done with his turn, he still cried.  

 Unhappy--I mean, does this break your heart or what?

So listening to him cry almost the whole time made me really upset, naturally. And it sounds awful, but I found myself sitting there wondering if this is all for nothing.

And then, of course, my mind wanders and I started to think about other activities, other sports, and whether he'll ever be able to "really" play them. Or whether he'll ever even WANT to. Maybe he won't want to because there will be something about his disability, his CP, that will hold him back. He'll think he can't do it, so he won't even want to try...that sort of thing. And just the thought of that makes me really sad, of course, because I loved playing sports as a kid. I loved being on a team. And I really think Curtis would like to play a team sport! But what if he just can't? I mean, he plays soccer in the backyard with his sister. And we play t-ball out back. But can he play on a team? And what about that swimming??

I swear to you, all of this garbage is going through my head on Monday after that ill-fated swim lesson. And I'm getting bummed. Curtis is napping...pooped out from all that swimming and crying. So I decide to hop on my phone and go on Facebook and look at this new group I joined a few weeks back. The organization is called CHASA and it stands for Children's Hemiplegia and Stroke Association. They have a regular group on FB where you can post questions or comments and then another page called the "Happy Place" where you go to post awesome things that your kid has done or achievements they've made or milestones they've met...things like that.

So I jump on the "Happy Place" (I needed some good news) and the first thing I see is this video of a little boy, Connor. He is 9 years old and he plays baseball--on a regular team. He has right-sided hemiplegia (so the opposite side from Curtis). The video below is of him hitting in his first RBI. You have to watch this, I think it's just awesome...

(A big thank you to his mom for allowing me to post this on the blog.)

So I watched this (OK, so maybe I watched it like 5 times) and all my doom and gloom went away. It was just the thing I needed to see and at just the right moment. Curtis can do these things, he really can! If you've been on his new FB page then you've seen the little video I posted of him hitting the ball off the tee. I mean, why couldn't he play for a team? What was I thinking? And he loves the water, so it's just a matter of him getting over his fears and whatever weirdness is going on with these swim lessons before he can learn to swim. Right? Why am I giving up on him so easily? Why am I second-guessing him and his possibilities?

I just have to say that this is why I love, love, love this new group that I've found on Facebook. Seeing the things they post about their kids (kids just like Curtis!) and what they can do has given me so much hope! I recently asked if any of their kids could swim and several of them responded that, yes, their kids swim, and they swim well. Some are even on the swim team for their school. Wow! Talk about inspiration. 

Time to push the limits, Curtis! You can do it, dude! If you can go down a slide--something we thought you'd never ever do, not in a bazillion years-- then you can do anything!

--I wrote this post on Tuesday, April 30th but didn't publish it. 
Curtis had another swim lesson today, Wednesday, May 1st. He cried again. We made him push through the lesson, though. I asked the instructor what would help--should I get in the pool with him or should I disappear? She suggested disappearing, since he looks at me right after he's done with his turn and says, "I want my mommy!" Ugh. I had to hold back tears today. It was awful. I was both sad and frustrated. Tough day. 
But...I'm not giving up on him! I look forward to sharing videos of him swimming one day! 
Stay tuned...