Thursday, July 18, 2013

The Power of "The Bigs"

A few days ago I went outside and caught a moment...





and it made me start to think about Curtis and his big brother and big sister and the part they play (and have played) in his life. I've been noticing it a lot more this summer--how much he wants to be around them and how much he talks about them when they aren't around. Yes, I know in my last post I talked about the sibling rivalry and how it was in full force--we are battling those issues, as well. But mostly he loves them and talks about them and follows them around constantly.

I can't really say that I understand the whole sibling thing because I'm an only child. I don't know what it feels like to have older brothers and sisters (or younger ones, for that matter). What is it like for a baby, and then a toddler, and then a young child to have older kids around all day? Do they learn faster? Talk at a younger age? Walk sooner? Or does it not matter? And what about for a special needs child? Are there any benefits for these kids to have an older sibling or siblings?
I remember when Curtis was tiny and we were still working our way around his diagnosis and trying to figure out when he would would walk/talk/do most things. One doctor told us, "Having older siblings will help. He'll want to do what they do. They will motivate him." I think he was right.

Curtis has had these two little people in his face--literally--pretty much every day since the day he was born. Always touching him, grabbing him, wanting to hold him. He rarely had a moment to himself. He was no doubt watching them, soaking in every moment, every movement, every word--all of it.






 
(big bro holding on to his left hand--I die)
 
(big sis--teaching him the first of many naughty tricks!)

Did watching them run down the halls give him the drive to want to start walking sooner than he may have without them around? Did hearing their non-stop chatter encourage him to try to speak even though it would take years of speech therapy before he'd be able to properly form words? I can't find any scientific info that says yay or nay, but I honestly think the answer, in our case, is yes. I also think he learned and wanted to jump, ride a tricycle, play on the computer (ugh), read books (yes, he is actually starting to identify a few sight words already! crazy!), swim, play soccer and t-ball in the backyard, and do many other things all because he saw his big brother and/or big sister do it. I will spare you the list of not-so-pleasant things they have taught him--equally as long, I might add. Would he have wanted to do these things and/or learned to do them without having an older sibling? Probably. In the case of walking and speaking--definitely. But I think having his big brother and big sister around sped the process along. 

Here's a short video--Curtis at age 2.5 playing at our local YMCA splash pad after a few days of convincing by big bro and big sis. As you can see...he loved it! Not sure Mom and Dad could have made it look quite as fun...

 There is not a day that goes by that Curtis doesn't want to play with his older brother or sister or at least do something they are doing. Like I said before, he is always asking about them and their whereabouts if they aren't home. This summer I have really noticed how much he relies on his siblings. He doesn't really ask me to play with him anymore--he wants one of them to play. I'm a last resort. I've also come to realize how much he depends on them and how much he actually wants them to be around! During the weeks when they were at camp, he really only put up with me until they got home. When it was time to pick them up, he would literally cheer in the car, "Yay! Yay! Yay!" And then five minutes later they'd be fighting, but still, the sentiment was there. He loves them!

Luckily we are at an age where Curtis' siblings will still tolerate playing with him most of the time. Big sis likes to play with him if she is boss (she is teacher/he is student or she is mommy/he is kid type of games). Big bro is happy to go outside to play or to build blocks/puzzles/Legos. There are, of course, times when they don't want him around, and he is genuinely saddened by that. Usually, I am a good substitute, but I won't always be. My hope is that he will have other friends to call upon when that time comes.

 For now, I'm just happy that Curtis has his Brub and Jo, as he calls them. They really are his everything. They were his first friends. They taught him how to play and be a kid in ways that I probably would not have if they weren't around. They get him to take risks, or shall I say, make him do things he doesn't necessarily want to do. But, as pissed off upset as I am when they make him do such things, I now realize it's OK...because I'd likely never make him do those things had they not been around! Sometimes Curtis needs to take risks and who better to lead the way than Brub and Jo? They really are perfect for him in so many ways. They snuggle him when he needs it, they cheer him on, they are not afraid to let him know if he is invading their personal space (everyone needs boundaries!), they praise his hard work.


  

 




But most of all, they love him. Unconditionally.

  • Do you have a special needs kid with an older sib? If so, do you think that older sibling helped them in any way?